


dormant

by FunAndWhimsy



Series: Shidgemas 2018 [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/M, Meditation, Nonbinary Pidge | Katie Holt, Rituals, Shidgemas 2018, Winter Solstice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 09:23:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17020041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FunAndWhimsy/pseuds/FunAndWhimsy
Summary: In the vastness of the universe, Pidge and Shiro find some precious time to be in the same place, breathe the same air, and surround themselves with warmth on the coldest day of the deca-phoeb.





	dormant

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place roughly five years post-canon.
> 
> Contains mild spoilers for ep 804, "Battle Scars".

The forests of New Olkarion have always been beautiful, the light filtering through the dense treetops so everything seems to glow, bright and green and humming with so much life you can feel it even if you aren't tapped in to the essence of the universe. They're quieter now in the depth of winter, the light a lot brighter, and everything's stark shades of brown and white, but just as beautiful. Shiro takes in deep lungfuls of the crisp air, even though every now and then it gets him coughing, and focuses on the way it spreads through his body, pushes away the stress and loneliness and exhaustion and tries to just exist.

It's easier when he looks at Pidge; it always is, but snow is still pretty new to them and their face is all red from the cold and lit up with one of their massive smiles while they skip around crunching snow beneath their feet. They're quieter than usual, kind of, taking long breaks from rambling questions for their Olkari escorts to lay their hand on every tree they pass to see if they can feel its energy through their gloves. They drift back a little sometimes, walking in circles to draw patterns with their footprints, and when they catch up they'll bump into Shiro's side until he takes their hand.

"Having fun?"

Pidge just bumps their shoulder into his arm again instead of answering, so Shiro bumps back, and they laugh.

"Too much?"

"Never," he says. "I'm not carrying you if you wear yourself out, though."

"We both know that's a lie."

Shiro laughs and squeezes their hand, holds on a little tight because he knows they're probably cold even with the gloves. And because he doesn't want them to drift away again just yet. It's been a hard phoeb - a hard six or seven phoebs, honestly, and maybe just as bad for the rest of the deca-phoeb and beyond. Pidge's been traveling more than usual to help Keith set up better tracking and distribution networks for the Blades, to visit Lance because the paladins have a rotating schedule to make sure he never goes too long without seeing one of them, to give talks and build defenses, most recently to help Hunk broker peace between a community of sapient robots and the people who created them; they just got back a few quintants before they set off for New Olkarion, showed up on Atlas looking like they needed to sleep for a deca-phoeb. And that was the first time Shiro's spent any real time with them in ages, because the Atlas can't sit still for long and he's always on a mission when Pidge is in-between jobs. 

Shiro shakes his head, tries to clear it all out; the point of this trip is to relax and have some uncomplicated fun with Pidge. They can't suddenly _be_ uncomplicated, but all Shiro really needs right now is a little time to peek into the future where they're calm, and settled, and nothing but happy. Pidge squeezes his hand right back, and for the rest of the walk they still drift away to look at things, pet trees, babble at the Olkari, but they don't let go. 

It's mid-afternoon when they reach the clearing; Shiro's legs are the best kind of tired, the kind where he could go another mile or two but it's nice that he doesn't have to. Pidge has been leaning into him harder and harder for the last fifteen or twenty doboshes, not quite shivering but probably as close as a person can get without tipping over. The ceremonial outfits they were given are thick and woolly, and Pidge has an extra coat on under their cloak, but they're used to the desert and Shiro's still pretty sure he's going to find out one day Pidge is half-alien, something cold-blooded. Shiro wraps his arm around their shoulders and takes a tick to just...look. 

The clearing's at least the size of the dining hall on Atlas, big and open and inviting, bright from the sun with no treetops to get in the way. It's nearly a perfect circle, with some dense, low bushes blurring the line here and there; the berries growing on the bushes are so richly red and tempting they're definitely one hundred per cent poisonous. The snow's so pristine Shiro almost doesn't want to step on it, but the Olkari have no such reservations and once they've walked across the clearing to start setting up the camping gear Shiro hurries to help. They wave him off, though, shoo him and Pidge away to go explore a little; he doesn't complain.

"Are you worried?" Pidge asks, looping their arm through his and leading him to a shady corner of the clearing where the bushes are all tangled up with a pair of gnarled, ancient-looking trees.

"About what? You freezing to death?"

"Maybe," they say. "We did pack a portable heater, right?"

Shiro doesn't answer, just lets his arm heat up slowly, warmer and warmer until Pidge sighs happily. He's not sure he'll be allowed to touch them during the all-night meditation, even if it's just his heated arm while the rest of him stays in the circle, so he made sure the elders were planning on bringing some, but if he has his way they won't get anywhere near one. Keeping Pidge warm is _his_ job.

"Right," they say. "And I mean worried about screwing it up."

"The ceremony?"

"Yeah," Pidge says, lets go of his arm so they can kneel in front of the mess of bushes. They push their sleeves up - all four of them - just enough to uncover their gauntlet and start scanning the berries. Shiro's not optimistic about what they'll find, but the more he looks at the berries the more he wants to just jam a handful in his mouth so he lets them work. "I'm not good at this kind of thing."

"I think they know you well enough to know exactly what they were asking for," Shiro says.

"I don't," Pidge says, a little quieter like they're trying to keep it a secret, like they aren't sure they want to tell him. Shiro crouches down next to them, tries to get a read on their face but they're angled away from him. "It's too much pressure."

"You've been practicing Olkari meditation for deca-phoebs."

"But for me, not as part of a big ancient ritual thing. What if I can't focus and the plant life thinks I _don't_ honor it when it's not specifically being useful and everything the Olkari do all year is fucked up because their relationship with the planet isn't good anymore? They're still new here."

"Didn't they basically bring the whole planet back to life? I'm sure the trees will cut them some slack even if they think you're rude."

"I just don't - you know this is a super ancient ritual, right? Like their archives go back to the beginning of their recorded history and there was barely enough information to put together the ceremony because it was already old by then. And the Olkari are so desperate to make this planet feel like it's really their home they went back that far. If they want me - us - to be part of it we can't let them down."

"You're not going to let them down. You've done so much for them already. And you're the guest of honor, Pidge; you're being celebrated, not tested."

Pidge sighs and gives him a wry smile. "I know. Mostly. I just needed to vent."

"Then by all means," Shiro says, and leans to peer at their scanner over their shoulder. "What's the verdict?"

Instead of answering him, Pidge plucks a few berries and shoves them in their mouth, a little juice dribbling down their chin when they bite down. 

"Fucking delicious," they say, and instead of trying a handful for himself Shiro leans in and kisses the taste out of their mouth. He's been crouching a little too long, though, and he moves too fast to keep his balance, so he doesn't just kiss them, he knocks them flat on their back in the snow. They laugh into his mouth and clutch his cloak in their fists so he can't let them up. Not that he really wants to, even if he'll be the one to listen to them complain later when their cloak and coat are soaked through. He kisses them through their laughing, and their happy sighing, and the soft noises they make when they lose themselves in it, kisses them until he's almost forgotten where they are and the soft clearing of a throat nearby makes him jump.

"The sun will set in just under a varga," says Trillis, very politely looking past them to the bushes. "We'll need to be in place before then."

"Of course," Pidge says, doing a pretty good job of not sounding as breathless as he is. Their face is bright red but Shiro's pretty sure his cloak is blocking Trillis' view. "We'll be right over."

Trillis nods and walks away, and Shiro turns to Pidge just to laugh at their incredibly smug face.

"You're trouble," Shiro says.

"You threw me into the snow to have your way with me, I don't know what part of that is my fault."

Shiro stands up instead of arguing, because they're right, and offers them his hand. He likes - loves - that sometimes he's still overwhelmed by them, that he can look at them shaking the snow out of their hair and feel the same way he did what feels like a lifetime ago. Now he doesn't need his soul trapped in the void for a deca-phoeb and a half to convince him to act on it, but that's pretty much the only difference. Pidge catches him looking, and rolls their eyes, and trudges off towards the center of  the clearing.

The elders have laid mats out in a circle, with two in the middle for Trillis and Pidge. There are small cubes between the mats, giving off a soft, warm light, and just a little bit of heat. They're flickering a little, Shiro's not sure if that's just part of the deal or if they programmed that in to make them look more organic. Either way, even in the light of the sunset the effect is beautiful. Pidge has their hood up, standing between two mats talking to one of the younger elders, who's busy setting small bowls of rations in front of each mat, and they look like something otherworldly. There's just something about them on Olkarion, old and new, soft and open and ready for anything, even if that anything is sitting still and listening instead of getting into everything to learn for themself.

Trillis steps into the center, just behind her mat, and waits for the quiet conversations around the circle to stop. Pidge gets in place next to her, all of a sudden serious, focused.

"Thank you," she says, "for making the journey, retracing the steps of the explorers who first ventured away from the colony ship to determine this planet's fitness. Though we've settled in warmer climes, this clearing is where they set up their equipment and made the determination that we could help the failing life here, and we could grow together. In that spirit of mutual aid, I remind you not to push yourselves beyond your limits. There is food and water if you need it, but if you must leave your mat to rest there's no shame in it. There are warm sleeping bags and small heaters in the tents, and more food and water. 

"I suspect it would make our guest of honor uncomfortable if I were to make a speech about why they have been asked to join us for the first performance of this ritual since the ancient Olkari left the forests to build the great cities we became known for, so I will say only this: I can think of no better avatar for the spirit of rebuilding and growing together."

For all Pidge was worried about ruining the mood and interfering with the ceremony, Shiro's the one who has to bite back the urge to cheer, pump his fist, insist on more of a speech about how good Pidge is. He doesn't, because keeping a calm, placid front might be the thing he's best at, but he does wink at Pidge when they turn his way. They grin, and wink back, and take their seat facing him, back to Trillis. The sunlight is fading fast, but Shiro waits, watches Pidge cross their legs and rest their palms on their thighs, watches them take a deep breath and close their eyes, watches for the moment they stop thinking. He could watch them all night, but that's not what he's here for, so he mimics their position and closes his own eyes. 

He's practiced with Pidge, but meditation hasn't ever been his strong suit; he needs something to force his brain to empty out, isn't strong enough to do it on his own. But he promised to come here, and promised he'd try, so he breathes in the rhythm Pidge has shown him a thousand times, counts and breathes and tries to let it push everything else away. Olkari meditation is easier for him, in theory; all he has to do is hold empty space long enough to find the essence of the universe to grab on to. After that, the force of life itself does the work for him.

In practice, his toes are cold and his knees are too close to the lighting cubes and they're getting too warm and there's a mild panic creeping in around the edges of his brain for no reason at all. He breathes in rhythm, pushes it all away, focuses on the tension in his face and body and convincing himself to relax. He catches himself thinking about the next few phoebs, more time away from each other, more exhaustion and loneliness stretching between them, and pushes that away, too. And in the same breath, he feels...something. A hand reaching out to him, but in his head, a presence so close he feels like he's breathing it in. It's the - no, it's not the universe, it's Pidge, just Pidge, reaching for him, and it's the easiest thing in the world to picture his hand resting in theirs. 

Pidge squeezes his hand, and he can _feel_ it, and the sparkling pure-energy vision of them smiles, and turns to walk away, and Shiro squeezes back and follows them, like he always does, like he always will, and they pull him along into the vastness of the universe, and they don't let go of his hand until the sun comes up.


End file.
